The text comes in to meet up, school emails are asking if you will make the event, you look at your schedule. You had plans to use that time for that need. The one that keeps falling off the wagon. The need that gives you knots in your stomach knowing how important it is, the thought gets pushed back down. You know consistency is important. It’s going to have to be consistent another day, it will move on to tomorrow…again. Your body unknowingly absorbing the stress, there’s no to plan for this important thing. Yes, our families need us. It is worthy to adjust for these unforeseen needs. You might think here, but we need to be flexible in life, don’t we?! Yes, to both. Flexibility is a critical skill… Until we find ourselves constantly run by the demands around us. And it comes with a cost of breaking your word to yourself. How often do you find yourself helping others? How often are you making time for what you need? We’ve all heard the phrase, “In the event of an emergency place the oxygen mask over you face first then begin helping others”. How’s your head feeling? Is it spinning?
When we choose to slow down situations, we begin to observe ourselves. This one change can be both triggering and life changing. You’ll notice you have favorite opt out options. First you might notice these emotions on repeat all day; resentment, bitterness, complaining, overwhelm, anxiety, irritability, these are symptoms you’re not tuning in to your internal conversations. These emotions point to broken trust with yourself. They’re waving in the back of the car while you continue checking your map for the next direction and watching traffic. We often miss of dismiss them because they’re not an emergency. We can keep going and get to them later. Over time the cost will stack up. You’re reactionary to the kids. The headaches have been constant. You don’t have any idea how you got here or how to change it. You do know that things are getting unbearable.
Choosing to shift our focus to notice what’s working can feel risky, that’s the nature of changing what’s familiar. It’s ok for it to feel yucky, uncomfortable or scary, it probably will. “You can have objective hope if you are bringing some new knowledge, wisdom, or know-how to the situation. Obviously if things are not working, you need a second opinion, some new ideas, some knowledge that is not present. Without that, you may only be wishing. But if you really are bringing new wisdom to bear on a situation that is hopeless, you might have good reason to have true, objective hope.” Dr. Henry Cloud Necessary Endings. In this conversation about self-trust, you already know some of the areas it is broken for you. Listen for a day to your internal conversation. Is it encouraging or are you hearing “Of course I got it wrong, what’s new?” When we’ve noticed what the conversation is, we have uncovered new hope. Often it doesn’t feel that way, but the truth is that uncovering is the first step. The next step is willingness to say I don’t know how to do this and ask for help. Don’t go this route alone. You are your harshest critic! When you’re ready for real change take the time to get support. You have big dreams, and they start in these small moments. Small choices.
As a leader in your sphere what is the cost you pay for breaking trust with yourself? You are doing your best, frustrated with the “stuckness”, and recoiling into isolation to “avoid” shame, only to find it follows you there. It’s time to break up with that shame that keeps you stuck. Shame masquerades as comfort, lulling you into silence and inaction. It’s time that shame be brought into the light. It cannot live there, but instead gets transformed into transparency that builds connection. Connection with ourselves and connection with others. Turns out, we actually do need each other on this journey. How will you show yourself compassion when you don’t have all the answers or resources? The confidence you desire is possible. It’s more than the quiet thought, hiding in the back of the car. It’s real. Are you ready to see your team, family, and life energized with new life? That’s the power of breaking up our shame stories and building back our integrity with ourselves. That’s the outcome of knowing yourself and increasing your resilience. It’s possible to rewrite the story you’re telling yourself about what’s possible. My clients are experiencing greater fulfillment, hope and joy. They’re learning to lead in their sphere with new confidence. If you’re ready to unlock this for yourself book a discovery call with me.
Comments