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The phone rings. Amid a flurry of holiday prep there’s a voice on the other end. It’s cracking under the weight of grief. The words come tumbling out. The complexity of present things, interactions, expectations and the memories flooding the senses. There is no fixing that need be done in that moment. It’s an invitation to just be with it all, just for a few moments. Let it all be broken and not ok. Let it hurt, let it remind, allow the disappointment to take up some room and claim a place alongside the expressions deemed “socially accepted”. I wasn’t expecting this, but I was prepared for it. Not because I expected this particular call, but because I’ve spent the last few years preparing myself.
It didn’t start out about anyone else. It started out of fear, desperation, anger, deep disappointment that childhood hadn’t been what I expected, a knowing there were other choices and I had to find them. Maybe for you it’s boredom, overwhelm, reactivity, exhaustion and resignation that things are the way they are. Here’s a hard truth, you are creating your current reality…. Yes, there are things outside of your control, no we cannot control others, only ourselves. But that’s it! We have far more within our ability to control and influence than we acknowledge. My journey that started out about me, I didn’t care what others thought but I had found some hope, it was naïve to believe it was just about me. But it was a place to start. The responsibility of my change being about anyone else was crushing and caused me repeatedly to pause the learning. Allowing the learning to show me new possibilities and open curiosity over my internal judgments brought hope, joy and freedom.
As the new year is upon us I’m wondering, if not now, when? Our world is not offering any relief. As is true of many preferred ways to numb out and deflect (social media, food, making another the villain for our circumstances). How long will you give up your life and choices to another? How long will you believe they have power you don’t? Are you ready to move that grief, learn how to sit with it AND find joy? Will you choose to own and tell your story? Maybe that’s far too big to consider. Are you ready to get curious about the overwhelm and reactivity? Are you tired of that gremlin that rears when you’re maxed out or exhausted? Have you had enough of the narrative you hear in your head? The one that never cheers you on, but rather calls you to be smaller by suggesting how much harder others have things, deny your experience, or convince you no one will believe you? You are braver than you believe.
Yes, the call is high. It will ask you to decide the value of comfort and familiarity over the change you’ve sought. It will cost time and pride to be willing to look at some places that are stuck. It will cost the excuses that will show up. It will require trust in yourself and whom you are learning with. There is a direct return on your investment. And there is not expectation of arriving. That’s right, we do not “arrive”. “Isn’t if funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back everything is different…” C. S. Lewis
If you are ready for this journey schedule a time for us to meet. I invite you into the journey. I have had the honor of learning on my own, through one-to-one coaching sessions, in a community of others who too have decided to walk this journey and share together. Going together accelerates the learning. Sharing with and being shared with others, is profoundly powerful. Connect with me and we can talk about the opportunities available. You are in the driver’s seat. What do you want to create?
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